Buying gifts for teenagers is a real minefield. In fact, with so many potential pitfalls, chances are you’ll be raiding their ‘hidden’ supply of vodka just to pluck up the courage to ask them what they want. That said, if you’re determined to get them something that isn’t made by Apple and doesn’t involve a wireless controller, you could do far worse than having a look through the range of personalised gifts for teenagers currently available online.
If, however, you’re still unsure, have a quick read of our fun-loving rundown to the different types of teenager*. It might just help…
1. The Pretty Ones
It doesn’t matter whether they’re a boy or a girl, you can spot these ones a mile away. They’re the group who look like an adolescent advert for Abercrombie & Fitch. They exist to look good, they dress in only the finest designer labels, and can pull a pout to make Posh look like an old bulldog.
These are the guys and gals who aren’t blessed with the looks of The Pretty Ones, but who always seem to attract the attention of the opposite sex. They’re not exactly intent on a long term relationship, yet their relaxed morals always seem to garner lots of interest. Can’t think why.
3. Drama Queens
A more difficult group to sum up, Drama Queens are the teens to whom everything is a big deal. So don’t be surprised if they’re rather ‘thesp’ and throw jazz hands left, right and centre. Basically, they love the attention, even if they have to become some weird fusion of Bruno Tonioli and Craig Revel Horwood to get it. They’re also likely to gossip. Just think Glee’s Kurt.
Okay, so it’s a very American term. But every school has them. They’re the guys who live for sports and hang out in their own little brotherhood. They have a tendency to act like lobotomised gibbons around those outside of their inner circle, with greetings that include dead arms and head slaps.
5. Teachers’ Pets
Generally seen as a substrata – and not a very popular one at that – Teachers’ Pets are still likely to prosper long term. They know what it takes to succeed, even if it means they’re the victim of the Jocks’ dead arms and head slaps. Homework is done to a high standard and on time. And exams are passed with flying colours.
It’s short for emotional, so you’ll already be getting a picture. You’ll also know the look – skinny-fit jeans, tight T-shirts and a pair of All Stars or Vans. Hair tends to be long and facial piercings aren’t out of the question. Rock and punk is the music of choice, along with an outlook that makes Kurt Cobain look chirpy.
7. The Moron
Okay, so the title may be harsh, but falling into this category isn’t the end of the world. They’re not the sharpest knives in the drawer, granted, but they’re typically kind-hearted and popular among peers. It’s also not uncommon for The Moron to excel at one subject – usually PE or art.
8. Health Nuts
Most health nuts tend to be lads. They exercise and like there’s no tomorrow and diet on high-protein foods. Why? Because they want to look buff. Past times include the gym, runs, and doing weights in their bedroom. And when it comes to socialising, expect a tight T-shirt to show off their work.
Nerds are a substrata that share close ties with Teachers’ Pets. As a rule of thumb they aren’t as gifted across a range of subjects as the Teachers’ Pets and instead focus their efforts on a particular field. They may also be more inclined to rebel in their own little way – by hacking into the files of MI6, for example.
10. The Mysterious Ones
Think Christian Slater in ‘Pump Up the Volume’ and you’re about there. These are the boys and girls who keep themselves to themselves, but have a natural magnetism that attracts others. They’re typically bright but go out of their way to hide it. Chances are there’s a rebellious streak, too.
*Please be aware that this ‘guide’ is unlikely to represent a specific teen. We’ve conducted no research into our publishing and accept no responsibility should you ‘drop one’ by categorising your kid in the wrong section. Moreover, if, while searching for presents for teenagers, you rely solely on our ‘findings’, feel free to pop yourself into number 7.